Poor me...If it wasn't for me, nothing would get done around here! Does my family just think that stinky socks and backpacks left out are my favorite things to pick up? Do they think their pajamas and wet towels left to mildew in a pile will somehow magically disappear? Come to think of it, they DO magically disappear because (wah, wah) I put them away! Don't they see I already have a MILLION things to do around here? Meals, laundry, problem solving, cleaning, bills, taxes...come to think of it, I pretty much do it ALL! Without me, this family would got to pot! They don't even care. When I finally build up enough to blow my top, their reaction to me is, 'Woah! Mom! Calm down!! It's not that big of a deal...' I'll tell them what a big deal is--they need to learn how to be responsible and independent! I can't go around doing everything for them, all their lives! (More introspectively, turning to self defeating thoughts) What am I teaching them anyway? What a horrible Mom I am--I can't even stick on top of things, let alone instill great 'life lessons' and 'inspirational thoughts/ attitudes' to my kids along the way! Why do I even TRY?! Sound even vaguely familiar? It is not a new occurrence in life! In fact, there is even an instance in the Bible when Christ was teaching Martha and Mary that it seems to be illustrated.
"Now as they went on their way, he entered a certain village, where a
woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. She had a sister called
Mary, who also sat at the Lord's feet and heard his word. But
Martha was distracted with much serving; so she approached him and said,
"Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore tell her then to help me." And Jesus answered and said to her, "Martha,
Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things; But one thing is needed and Mary has chosen the better part, which will not be taken
away from her" (Luke 10:38-42). It is a lesson in priorities and in how we choose to spend our time, and to me, use our thoughts in "choosing the better part". It is TRUE for most women I know: they are doers, solvers, check-off-the-list-ers. They tend to carry the weight of the family and household duties on their shoulders. Not that their husbands do nothing, but mainly because men don't SEE what THEY see, and certainly don't feel the urgency to DO things on the same time frame as us women! We have to conquer as we go and do when we are thinking of it, or the many other tasks/issues of the day will overtake our energies and efforts and we may feel like "nothing" got done all day. By the end of the day, we find ourselves exhausted on the couch in the evening, having run around all day long, feeling defeated and un-accomplished!
I had a moment like this last night as I was trying to do a fun Family Night activity for my family, and nobody seemed to care, but ME. (Wah, wah) I had borrowed a chocolate fountain for a get together for my daughter over the weekend, and despite the mess cleaning it up, I agreed to do it again as some of my kids didn't get a chance to be there. Dinner was WAY later than I'd hoped, which threw everything else off. Couldn't they see I needed help? I was trying to feed everyone, and was trying to break up the massive chocolate block to get it melted down at the same time, burning our fancy Grilled Cheese menu along the way. Everyone seemed oblivious. Caught in TV shows, devices, homework, and asking how much longer til the chocolate was 'ready'. Couldn't they see I couldn't do it 'all'?! Maybe they should look around and start help cleaning up (Mondays no one is scheduled to help with dinner), or at LEAST get out all the things they want to dip in chocolate! The strawberries need to be washed and dried off, the candy put in a dish, the bananas needed cutting up, etc. The Little Red Hen story came to mind--I could sure teach them a lesson! If you don't want to help, you don't get to share in the reward...After a while, this "fun" and "amazing" Family Night memory I envisioned creating, instead turned into a Debbie Downer/Martyr Mother moment! I noticed it all began with my annoyed and prideful thoughts about the situation and those around me. Pretty soon, I allowed those thoughts to turn to how selfish and rude people were to not notice ME and how I was doing something amazing for THEM, and me gathering mental evidence on how, again, I "have to do everything"! I finally realized my delusion ruining the moment, as my 2 year old boy rushed over when the chocolate fountain was finally "ready" and he squealed with delight when it was turned on and 3 tiers of choclately goodness cascaded down! We ended letting everyone have WAY too much sugar and going to bed later than I planned, but I took heart knowing that this was something they would not forget. I created a memory, just as I had wanted.
Now I realize a whole other post can be written on how to ask for help and sharing the load as a family, so don't think I am saying we SHOULD do it all and let everyone else get off scot-free, as teaching that principle is an important life lesson as well. But I will leave that portion for another time. However, as everyone went to bed and I was left to finish dipping what I could (to use the 4 pounds of chocolate it takes to get a fountain going!) and to clean up the mess, instead of playing my old "wah, wah"/"poor me" dialogue in my head, I realized the power for good or bad, of my THOUGHTS.
Listen to what we are saying to ourselves, about ourselves, and about our lives...those thoughts give us powerful insight on why we are or are not happy. More on thought makeovers later, but until then, think about our thoughts, and "choose the better part". :) I
